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El sueño de Hitchcock

A flying dream

Kitten

The only thing stronger than love…

Nike | Darkness, Desire, Decay | Sunday, May 18th, 2008
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is probably fear.

As time goes by…

Nike | Darkness, Desire, Decay, Every Single Day..., random fun stuff | Tuesday, February 5th, 2008
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Winter has been coming. Christmas rushed passed, an old year died, a New Year came.

I did not blog.

And I hereby apologize. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. As a reconsiliation, you get the latest family picture. The three of us at Christmas. Aren’t we sweet? Yeah, the li’ll one makes faces, he always does that for the camera. *rolleyes*

the family

So what happened? Well, I took another job. Or the job took me. It was more or less a coincidence. I went out with a friend, and while we were chatting over a beer, she mentioned how desperately they look for people in their office. People to do customer liaison and support. I was big-mouthed as ever and said “Nothing I couldn’t do”. And she said: “OK, see you on Monday”. (It was on a Saturday).

Since then, I’m there. It started as three times a week for 2 hours, now it’s daily from 8 to noon. And I gotta say I like it.

The drawback is - I already had a job. You might recall I was working for a private English school, giving lessons to children, a job I thoroughly enjoy and love. Right now, I am working double: Office in the mornings, school in the afternoon, preparing lessons and doing the conceptual planning for the school.

It’s just too much. Joshua is not taking it easily, he’s throwing tantrums at least five times a day. And I am exhausting myself. I gotta decide. Deadline I set myself is March.

So this is the news. I promise I’ll try to update more often again, but time is sparse these days, really. I just barely find time for producing art, and art is as important as breathing for me.

So I’ll hang in there, and you guys will, too, until I’ve got more time for you again, ok? :)

The Apogee

Nike | Art, Darkness, Desire, Decay, Read this! | Saturday, September 1st, 2007
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I knew something was wrong the moment Claude walked into the room. Something MUST be wrong, because I knew Claude was dead. I had sliced the extremities from his dead body yesterday, there was not much room for doubt.

Despite my notoriously bad habit of regaling myself with killing, none of my victims had ever walked in on me in the middle of the night. It added a nippy spice to the late hour, and tangible arousal stirred in the air.

The sallow light of the moon illuminated Claude’s slender form. I smiled. He had been worthy. His exsanguination had been a true masterpiece. Of all the lives I had quelled, none had been more delicious and inspiring. (more…)

The children’s sorrow…

Nike | Darkness, Desire, Decay, Every Single Day..., children | Thursday, May 10th, 2007
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Sometimes, I feel sore and desperate? from the children’s? pain and sorrow.

Yes, it’s that topic again; it is touching my life from every possible angle right now, and I don’t really know how to cope, yet.

I talked to a kid some days ago. A teenage kid, an intelligent, talented, nice kid, who had to spill out his heart to someone, and that someone happened to be me. He told me that in a quarrel, his mother had told him she wished she had never had him. (more…)

What people do to kids…

I called the police today.

I was visiting a friend yesterday, and she told me some stuff about her neighbors. They are both alcoholics and junkies, and they’re got 2 kids: A boy aged 2, and a little baby, 6 months old.

They do not care about the kids at all. Every second or so night, the guy demolates the whole flat, kicks in doors and such, and they both beat up each other. They use the baby buggy for transporting beer bottles rather than their baby. And by the middle of the month, they’re totally out of money (which is social welfare money anyways).

My friend called the youth care dep. twice, but they didn’t do anything, obviously. And she won’t call again: The guy is threatening her. Being a single mom, she has to protect her kids, she sais.

So I went to the police. (more…)

Imagini - my visual DNA

Nike | Darkness, Desire, Decay, random fun stuff | Thursday, April 19th, 2007
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This is really fun to do.? Click on the pics on the right, and you’ll learn things about me you probably did not know.? Click on “Read my visual DNA”, and you’ll know it all.

Read my VisualDNA Get your own VisualDNA™

Blackout Poetry - God?

Nike | Art, Darkness, Desire, Decay | Saturday, January 27th, 2007
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Here is an original Blackout Poem just for you Blog readers out there. :)

This was done for a Worth Contest, but never made it, because I wasn’t able to shrink the scan to the necessary maximum size without making it unreadable.

Click the thumbnail for 355kb poetic goodness.

God?

The final poem reads:

God?


I walked alone
and shadows struck me
I greeted faces,
reached for people
?
but God had turned his back.

Beneath consciousness,
the deeper waters,
appears a cold warrior,
powerful, transforming

we have arrived at a critical mass.

irrevocable change
in a world of exploration
yet, the heart understood
the death of God

filled with hubris and danger.

wholeness may be
rooted in heresy
its victory cost dearly
and defeat is in the air.

death by transformation

I walked away,
surrendering to
the vast oceans of myth
and the masks of God.

the courage to let go.

Worth the Sacrifice?

Nike | Darkness, Desire, Decay, Yes I CAN ... change the world | Thursday, January 11th, 2007
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OK, when I said no more Bush-bashing… I lied.

A friend of mine, an American Citizen from Rhode Island, wrote this article concerning the president’s opinion on war “casualties”.

“I stared at the newspaper headline for several long seconds. I could not believe what I was reading. The headline and the story that ran beneath it attempted to summarize President Bush’s address to the American people the night before. That address was aimed at winning more support for the ongoing U.S. military action in Iraq.

Three words from the headline gripped me by the throat: “Worth the Sacrifice…” Worth the sacrifice, huh? It was a strong statement, and so I gave it serious thought. This led me to wonder how someone who had NOT lost a close relative in the fighting could make such a bold determination. Shouldn’t this rather have been a determination rendered by the families of those who were lost in this conflict? By that I mean the mothers and fathers and wives and husbands and sons and daughters of our brave fallen soldiers.

Then I tried to put a more personal spin on the situation by asking myself a simple question. Would I as a parent be willing to trade the life of my son or daughter for the mere possibility of attaining democracy in Iraq? The answer was a profound NO! Okay. How about a guarantee of attaining democracy in Iraq? Again a profound NO!

I subsequently decided to take the Q & A session a bit further…much further, actually. Would I as a parent be willing to trade the life of my son or daughter even if it meant world peace for all of eternity? In other words, some divine being comes down from the heavens and makes an offer that would result in a devastating personal loss for me in exchange for an idyllic existence for everyone else on the planet. This may sound a bit selfish on my part, but the answer again would be a profound NO!

In each instance my answer came quickly and easily, and with good reason. For what are any of these supposedly great end-results worth in the absence of our most cherished prizes of all - our loved ones? To my way of thinking, not a whole lot. And, in the case of Iraq, we’re not exactly talking about sacrificing ONE person to satisfy our President’s seemingly blind ambition. At last count, America’s price tag for this endeavor had exceeded 2,000 of our finest young men and women. And what of the more than 100,000 estimated dead among Iraq’s women, children and other “casualties” of war?

The President is constantly mentioning how most Iraqi people are supportive of the actions he has undertaken in that country. This information may or may not be true (I’ve learned to be a little skeptical of the President’s “sources”). Be that as it may, I find myself wondering whether the families of those 100,000+ local innocents killed are truly looking forward to the possibility of attaining democracy in their country.
Do they care anymore? Have they ever cared? Should they care? How can they think kindly about this so-called democracy without also thinking long and hard about the price that has been paid in blood? Was it indeed “worth the sacrifice” to them as well?

This brings me to the subject of value. What sort of value should one place on a human life? How about 2,000 human lives? Or 100,000? Is there any outcome that makes sacrificing “X” amount of human lives acceptable…even if the mission that contributed to their deaths appears on the surface to be right and just by some?

Perhaps if I sat a throne and possessed the power to shape the world in accordance with my wishes I would be more understanding of those who proclaim such actions are “worth the sacrifice.” But I don’t sit a throne…and I have not lost a loved one in this conflict. I am but a proud citizen of this country, like so many Americans. I do not have the right to decide whether the end has justified the means in Iraq.

And neither does the President.”

A fairytale

“Mrs Spears will be ready in two minutes.” I re-checked my catalogue of questions. I knew I’d have exactly seven minutes to conduct the interview.

“You have exactly seven minutes,” a suave, monotonic voice echoed my thoughts. “You are to ask questions about the movie only. No questions about maidenhood, plastic surgery or Mr. Timberlake. If any of those topics are broached, the interview will be ended immediately.”

I was ushered into the room, brushing my predecessor’s shoulders as he left. The concept of an assembly line came to my mind.

The room was lit by spotlights, the camera was already buzzing.

“Hi, nice to meet you,” I said. The perfectly rouged and illuminated girl switched on her smile, but said nothing. No time for niceties. I pushed the lights, the camera, the cinematographer, sound assistants, bodyguards and personal gofers from my mind.

“Miss Spears, your debut on the silver screen tells the charming story about an innocent young girl breaking away to seek adventure on the road. How much of the young Britney went into the role of Lucy Wagner?”

Yeah, charming story, sure. Her flick is incredibly boring crap, I thought while pretending to listen to the girl’s well-rehearsed and recited answer. (more…)

Too much love will kill you. Nov. 24th, 1991.

Nike | Darkness, Desire, Decay | Friday, November 24th, 2006
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15 years now since he went.

Freddie Mercury, one of the greatest singers of our time.

Few people even know how much I loved the man - and still do. I admire his music and all that he stood for.? He was one of the few people who really gave their whole existance into their performance.

And though there always have been bands and singers I heard more often, music I cherished more than that of Queen, there is no other singer whose death still brings tears to my eyes whenever I think of him or hear his songs on the radio. Man, I miss you. I so much wish you’d still be here, sharing your talent and music with us.

I’m just the pieces of the man I used to befreddie22.jpg
Too many bitter tears are raining down on me
I’m far away from home
And I’ve been facing this alone
For much too long
Oh, I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me
About growing up and what a struggle it would be
In my tangled state of mind
I’ve been looking back to find
Where I went wrong
Too much love will kill you
If you can’t make up your mind
Torn between the lover
And the love you leave behind
You’re headed for disaster
‘Cos you never read the signs
Too much love will kill you - every time
I’m just the shadow of the man I used to be
And it seems like there’s no way out of this for me
I used to bring you sunshine
Now all I ever do is bring you down
Ooh, how would it be if you were standing in my shoes
Can’t you see that it’s impossible to choose
No there’s no making sense of it
Every way I go I’m bound to lose
Oh yes,
Too much love will kill you
Just as sure as none at all
It’ll drain the power that’s in you
Make you plead and scream and crawl
And the pain will make you crazy
You’re the victim of your crime
Too much love will kill you - every time
Yes, too much love will kill you
It’ll make your life a lie
Yes, too much love will kill you
And you won’t understand why
You’d give your life, you’d sell your soul
But here it comes again
Too much love will kill you
In the end
In the end

Written by Brian May, Frank Musker, Elizabeth Lamers.
Sung by Freddie Mercury.
Released 26th February, 1996. Reached number 15.

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